Leave the brats at home

Yesterday I went shopping at Gotemba outlets. It was so surreal, as it looked exactly like an American outlet mall, only full of Japanese people. I mean, I'm so far from home, yet this little consumer village in the jungle was so familiar, from the Eddie Bauer and J.Crew stores to the annoying brat children. Running around, screaming, crying, taking up space, and generally making everyone miserable. If I saw one more purple, tear-stained, screeching baby, or if I had to take one more detour through an already crowded store because a nose-picking toddler never learned how to move out of the damn way, I was going to spank someone. Either a child or their inattentive parents.

People, the fact that your children are being little monsters tells us two things: 1) they are brats and you've failed as a parent by not teaching them how to interact with the rest of the world and 2) this isn't anything new because you're obviously too sick and tired to do anything about it. It baffles me when people take their children to places not suitable for children. Shopping malls, nice restaurants, developing countries, public transportation. Take a second and consider if your kid can sit in the same spot for two minutes without complaining, getting lost, or freaking the fuck out. If the answer is "no," do a favor for the rest of the world and leave them at home.

P.S. I don't hate children. I just find it extremely irritating when they get in the way of my personal comfort.